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Life Mastery's Friday Weekly Podcast:
"The Art or HeArt of Listening, Part III Podcast"
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(length 09:12 minutes)
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This is Part VI of a six part series. See my five previous blog entries on September 11, 13, 18, 20, and 25 for Parts I, II, III, IV & V.
Too often when we interact with others, we are not listening, we are not silent. So, we get caught up in an ego draining interaction, or we get caught up in our own fears and we miss the opportunity to commune on a heart to heart level. We walk away feeling drained instead of being uplifted.
What also happens is that some people often initiate an interaction because they need energy. They are in the interaction solely for the purpose of drawing in energy from someone. I call these kinds of people “parasites.” Not a very nice way to describe someone, yet we all do it at times. And we all have certainly experienced feeling totally drained after a conversation.
If you are not at first quiet and listening silently, you will not know what is going on energetically in an interaction. You will not know that you are about to be drained in a major way. But if you are silent and really listening, you will realize whether an interaction is for your Highest Good or not. You will know whether the interaction is an enmeshed and entangled one and whether a stagnated, mutated energy is flowing forth from that individual or not. This is not meant to be a judgment of that individual, but it is just an objective appraisal of the energies.
At this point you can make a decision about whether you want to continue to engage in this interaction or not. If you are really listening, then you can really hear where the interaction is going energetically. You then can make a choice to be with that person’s energy or choose not to be with their energy. It is within the silence that you can know what they are really saying, what their real fear is, and what their real issue is or what their real passion is. Often what someone is saying out loud has nothing to do with what is really going on within them.
If what they are saying is energetically off and you are conscious of it, then you can offer them a compliment or a comment that comes from your heart that makes them stop and take notice. Then, if you have said the right thing, all of a sudden, it is as if the spirit that possessed them is gone and now you find yourself in an uplifting interchange.
What is most important here is that you did not take that energy into yourself and get engaged in a whole sequence of negativity and then wonder why afterwards you felt so awful? But if you are not really “listening” from within, you are not going to realize whose presence you are in or what kind of energies you are in and you will wonder how this all happened to you.
So, then, how does one listen? You listen by being silent!
For more on “The Art or HeArt of Listening,” see my upcoming book: Magical Keys to Self-Mastery: Creating Miracles in Your Life. There I offer many more insights on how to “listen.”
This is Part V of a six part series. See my four previous blog entries on September 11, 13, 18, and 20 for Parts I, II, III, & IV.
I soon began to realize that it was so much more enjoyable being with those who were present and listening. Those who were constantly talking about how great they were or how brilliant their intellectual theories were, got rather boring; and, interestingly, those same people never asked me a question about myself. I did not exist on some level other than as a sounding board.
But it was these “laughing Buddha” types who would not only ask me about me, but they would “listen.” I just felt embraced by them. I felt “one” with them.
Even though it was 1985 when I left this job, still to this day, there are two dozen or so of these “laughing Buddhas” I still communicate with. [By the way, many of these people were Westerners!]
I really learned through all this that it was so important for me to be silent in order to really be listening. It did not matter what the issue was or whether I was in a planning meeting discussing practical things, having dinner, or just hanging out. In order to hear, I had to be still and listen quietly. It was only by doing this that I was able to hear and respond from a place of connection.
It was not that I did not speak up at times, I did; but I learned not to talk a lot in these settings. I chose to listen. I learned to just be present and just witness what was going on. I learned to go beyond words and appearances and sense the “essence” of the interchange.
I listened in the silence and to the silence, not only to my own silence, but also to the silence between their words. And it was there that I got to “know” them. It was there where I got to know who they really were and what they were really saying.
It was from this place where I could make a comment that could move the discussion into an area that was more productive; or I could sense that the interaction was going nowhere and I knew that it was time for me to excuse myself. I was not judging them, but I could sense when their energies did not match mine. I learned not to “lean into” conversations or situations where I did not belong and which did not serve my Highest Good or the Highest Good of all concerned.
To be continued on 9 27 06
Life Mastery's Friday Weekly Podcast:
"The Art or HeArt of Listening, Part II Podcast"
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(length 08:34 minutes)
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This is Part IV of a six part series. See my three previous blog entries on September 11, 13 and 18 for Parts I, II & III.
Here I was thirty years old and the “head honcho” of the whole enterprise while the participants were at least in their early 40’s and went all the way up to their 80’s. Also, most of them were rather eminent in their communities or internationally. So, my position as their junior was clearly to serve them all. I had to make sure that the organizational aspects of the event went smoothly and that they were all well cared for. In addition, I had to make sure that the topics that we chose had thematic coherence and that it all came together smoothly. I learned an enormous amount doing this.
One of the most important things I learned was that I had to be “listening” all the time. I had to be a “good listener.” Whether I was running a large meeting or just a small planning meeting; I had to be listening. I had to be listening, too, to mundane complaints such as someone’s room was too small or perhaps the glass of water was not placed correctly on the podium, I had to always be listening.
So, given my age and the position I was in; I had to listen. All I did was “listen.” As well, when I wasn’t at an actual conference or formal meeting, I was meeting with people at my office or talking on the phone all the time. When I was at an event, we would have breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings. When we were on the beach on Maui; I was in meetings. At six in the morning, I was in meetings. At 11 at night, I was in meetings: Listen, Listen, and Listening.
As time went on I began to see that there were three kinds of people that I was listening to. First, there were the “holier than thou eminences,” as I called them. When they talked about the paper they wrote, or their tradition, or themselves, it was all ego; it was all “look at how great I am”.
The second group of people was incredibly brilliant intellectually and had wonderful things to say, but they were only interesting up to a point. After awhile what they were talking about would give me a bad headache or a severe case of mental diarrhea. They were so caught up in their heads.
Lastly there were the Buddhist monks and other wonderful souls like them who came to these events simply to enjoy themselves and to enjoy the company of others. They just laughed and smiled and greeted you warmly all the time. They were there just to enjoy, to listen, to learn, to just be present.
To be continued on 9 25 06
This is Part III of a six part series. See my two previous blog entries on September 11 and 13 for Parts I & II.
Listening to another is a skill that so few have.
So, what does it mean to “listen” to another? I have found that most us most of time, myself included, are in a place of self-absorption. Therefore, we are not listening. We are so caught up in projecting a certain impression about ourselves or getting our point across or being heard or being “right” that we pay almost no attention to the person right there in front of us.
Listening can not occur when the mind is preoccupied. “Listening” can only occur in the silence and receptivity of the heart. It can only occur when the little self, the ego, the self-absorbed part of us is silent.
What often happens, too, is that we are so full of “hubris” or false pride that we just want to hear ourselves talk and we are not interested in what another has to say. We are not there to listen, we are only there to make another see or hear us. This happens because we have a lack of real Self-confidence, that is, we lack confidence in our Higher Self and lack an understanding of what our Higher Self is and who we really are; and are, instead, trying to build up our little self’s self-confidence, that is, our ego’s delusion of confidence or personal superiority.
By doing this we just keep putting up one barrier of separation after the other. Eventually, it becomes very difficult to bring these walls of separation down in our relationships.
For myself, I really got to understand this when I was about thirty years old. At that time I became the Executive Director of an organization that planned ecumenical, inter-faith conferences all around the world. The people that attended the conferences were academics in religion and philosophy as well as religious leaders from all over the world. Many very fascinating people attended from all walks of life.
Some of the conferences were as large as 1,000 and some of the events were small groups of twelve to twenty attendees. I did this for about seven years and literally went around the world numerous times doing it.
To be continued on 9 20 06
Life Mastery's Friday Weekly Podcast:
"The Art or HeArt of Listening, Part I Podcast"
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(length 07:56 minutes)
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This is Part II of a six part series. See my previous blog entry on September 11 for Part I.
There is the event in the Judeo-Christian tradition called “The Fall.” From my point of view that event describes the time when we as a race chose to stop “listening” with our hearts and, instead, began to judge with our minds. We ate of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, that is, we entered the world of judgment, analysis and separation.
We no longer experienced life from within, but, instead, we experienced it as “other” than us or outside us. We started judging and analyzing instead of feeling and that created the sense of separation that we feel from each other, nature, Spirit, our Higher Selves and from God/Goddess. This is what cast us out of the Garden of Eden.
Vine Deloria, PhD, a Native American scholar so aptly wrote in this regard:
“For primitive people the presence of energy and power is the starting point of their analysis and understanding of the natural world...primitive people felt power, but did not measure it. Today we are able to measure power, but do not feel it.”
Rene Dubos, celebrated microbiologist and author wrote:
“Sometimes the more measurable, drives out the most important.”
In another vein, Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote:
“Earth is crammed with Heaven, if we but listen.”
Heaven is everywhere and in everyone. Each one of us and everything that we could possibly interact with is simply an entryway, a portal to our Higher Selves and to the God/Goddess within if we could “listen” to it, if we could “see” it. Everyone is an opening to your Higher Self, even your enemies, even your tormentors. If we could learn again to “listen,” we all could reenter that Garden.
To be continued on 9 18 06
This is Part I of a six part series of blog posts.
Listening is the most important skill that one can develop; but it is not a cognitive function as most believe. It is a function of the heart.
Listening is not an active, assertive state. It is not a state that judges, understands, or analyzes. It is simply a state of “being,” a state of silence, a state of openness, receptivity, and allowing. It is quiet and still and does not pay attention to words or appearances; instead it senses the “essence” of things. It looks into the Soul of people, experiences and all things. It is a state of simply being present and just “knowing.”
It is a surrender, a merging with, a communion; it is just being present with no agenda.
One of the gifts of learning to listen is to realize that there is no “other.” There is only One; and the only way to “listen” is to merge with or become a part of that which you are listening to. There is no other way to “listen.”
Otherwise, all you are doing is judging and analyzing with your mind, and, by doing so, you separate yourself out from what you are listening to and experience it as “other” when it is not “other.” This is what creates all the conflict within our selves and with “others” and also all the conflict in the world. We see things as “other.” But really, how can anything or anyone be “other”?
To be continued on 9 13 06
Life Mastery's Friday Weekly Podcast:
"SELF-Confidence"
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(length 08:26 minutes)
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A number of years ago I read a book entitled “The Automatic Millionaire.” In the book the author, David Bach, emphasizes how really, really important it is to make payments to yourself first if you wish to accrue financial wealth.
As I continued to read the book, I came to realize that the principle that he was espousing, “Put Your Self First,” was a very profound one and one that was applicable in all areas of my life. It got me to start asking myself whether I was putting myself first physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, of course, it was crystal clear that I wasn’t.
Then I asked myself, why I wasn’t? And it became apparent that it was an issue of unworthiness. Everyone and everything else was more important or worthy than I was!!! I always paid myself last!
So, it became obvious that if I kept listening to my ego self, I would always be last in line. I had to learn to listen to my real Self. I could not keep doing what I really didn’t want to do. That was a recipe for disaster.
It finally dawned on me that my Higher Self knew what was best for me and for all those involved with me; and if I would just slow down enough to get in touch with my Higher Self and act on its promptings, I would be much happier and much more fun to be with.
So, one must pay oneself first on all levels; not only financially so that you accrue wealth, but also in terms of the kinds of things you do to take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is where the real “wealth” lies.
You can live more of the life you desire and deserve once you learn to put your Self first. For, as I love to say in my classes: “If you follow any one but your Self, you will surely get lost.”
So, it is all good. Learning how to listen to your Self is how you become a Master of your life and it is how you learn to leave behind being the victim!
So, slow down and get there fast. Trust, Relax and Listen to your Self! And remember and say often: “Life is good; I am good. Within me and around me I have all I need to fully feel happy, healthy, joy-filled, abundant, energetic, flexible, balanced, and full of passion in all aspects of my life.”
You really do!
Below is a letter that I received recently regarding SELF-Confidence and my response.
Yanni,
I am in such a tizzy I wish to ask you a question; any help will be appreciated.
I am on my spiritual journey. I have asked to be a pure channel for god's love and healing for others. God and my higher self are helping me put things in order. I am learning life lessons daily and working to keep peaceful and loving which is not always easy. Business challenges me on a daily basis as does my relationship with my husband. I realize that I attracted all this and asked for the growth and development that would come from it, but when can you say, "Respect me!" I do not wish to be a doormat for clients and agents or for my husband at times. I DO want peace and love, but how do I tell the UNIVERSE/GOD that I want respect and appreciation for all I do?
Thanks for your thoughts. Being raised Catholic I have a saint-martyr thing. I want to serve and am thankful to serve. Am I asking too much to ask for respect and appreciation?
Mary
Mary,
First of all, you must learn to love, appreciate and respect yourself first. That begins by knowing that what you feel is important. And it also includes knowing that you are important--actually you are of paramount importance!
Respect is only given when it is asked for and expected. So, you must ask, however difficult or awkward it may be for you. For starters you must create a clear internal intention that you wish to be respected and then also create a clear internal intention that you will notice when you are not being respected. Keep repeating these intentions morning, noon and night.
Because you are used to being a door mat, you don't realize, until way after an interaction, that you were not being respected. So, as you become more in touch with what is happening in an interaction, you then can speak up from a grounded and centered place and communicate that you do not feel that you are being heard or respected.
Those who are not used to you speaking up in these circumstances may ignore you at first or try to put you down, but just be persistent and patient. The important thing here is not so much that they acknowledge you, but what is important is that you assert yourself. In time, they will hear you. It's a gradual process of listening to your feelings, honoring them and then learning to assert and express your self.
So, you must first learn how to listen to and respect yourself before you can expect anyone else to listen to and respect you!
Hope this helps a bit. Blessings and Love and know that you can do it!
Yanni
FYI, There is more on this topic in my next post on 9 06 06
Life Mastery's Friday Weekly Podcast:
"Putting your 'Self' First"
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(length 10:41 minutes)
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